Getting this out of my chest.

First things first. I need to get my thoughts straight, because I got to the point where even my mom tells me that I look troubled. Last week was crazy, so much happened that I can’t believe it did; it feels almost like the universe is playing a very elaborate prank on me or something. Or maybe it read my mind and made this happen on purpose. Or maybe I was thinking about it that much because it was about to happen. Whatever.

Before I start vomiting words into the keyboard, let me make it clear that this will be just me doing that, vomiting words into the keyboard. I just need to get this out, tell someone, and since I can’t tell anyone around me, it seems just right to tell the internet, where nobody knows who I am and nobody even cares about who I am. Telling everyone without telling anyone at the same time. I’m starting to like paradoxes even more.

Basically, a series of very unlikely events started to unfold as the week progressed, and now I’m confused and impatient to see where all of this going. To the reader, what I’m about to say may not sound so important, may even sound relatively normal, but for me it’s unbelievable. You know, sometimes the routine consumes you so much that anything slightly out of the ordinary can seem out of a movie, but this isn’t it. It’s because of the way I am and because of my stupidly unpredictable luck that this has my head spinning so much.

I had been dreaming and thinking constantly about this person, who was a lot older than me and I barely knew, for months, you could say I had a crush on them or something, I don’t even know what it was anymore; they made me really curious and I must admit I always felt attracted to them since I met them. I would see them in the bus or on the street every now and then and panic when even thinking of saying hello. I tried to get them out of my mind, because I knew that it was an almost impossible thing. And there’s the problem: ALMOST impossible; not completely impossible, just enough to have me thinking that I could try but not enough to convince me to give up immediately. However, I got really tired of my own attitude towards this kind of problems, you know, never lifting a finger, giving up before trying, waiting for the opportunities to pass me by, etc. That’s why I decided to give it a try: I told myself that the next time that I saw them in the bus I would talk to them and try to find out a couple of things about them; like, for example, the thing that had me the most worried, which was the possibility of them being married.

Then, when I thought I would never see them again, guess what happens? I see them on the bus. They sit right next to them. I talked to them and I was so surprised at what I found. They looked boring when I met them, but I immediately started to notice some things that were off with the image I had of them. From their body language to the things they said, I noticed that there was more to them that met the eye. I couldn’t be happier than that. Not only because I had found a gem hiding in plain sight, but because they said they wanted to talk again, and told me that if I ever wanted to talk to them, I could do so. Of course, we were friends on Facebook for some odd reason, even though I avoid using it as much as possible, but I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me.

The next day I tried to contact them, but my internet was not working, so I had to wait one more day. Then I finally managed to gather enough courage to say hello, and they answered. I rolled on the floor out of happiness. We talked, they showed me some things they had written, then they made all sorts of strange questions. It was great. I found out so much about them with that conversation, became more curious and intrigued, more interested. I want this person close to me, I really do. I gave him my number with the excuse of not liking facebook, not being able to login often or something like that. I felt didn’t start singing “Call me maybe” out loud only because I felt like the situation was already ridiculous enough, but I did sing it in my head and laughed like an idiot. Then of course I went back to rolling on the floor.

We continued talking the next day. Some things they said made me suspect that maybe they were interested in me too, and I really hope so. We agreed to meet in the weekend, but unfortunately it wasn’t possible. I’m still waiting to see them. I tried not to give away too much, tried not to seem that interested, just in case, but I lied at first when they asked my age and I still feel a little stupid about that, because it could be interpreted as something like “I’m under aged but interested in you so please ignore my age”. In hindsight, they don’t even seem to be the kind of person to care all that much about stupid things like the age of a person, but it doesn’t really matter; I’ll only be under aged for a couple of months.

Now, we barely talked for a couple of days, they’re sick, so they must be resting and not really wanting to talk. Since I have some time until the next time we see or talk to each other, I started writing an observation diary about them. I do this in my head for every people I know, but this time I want to put it on paper, because there’s so much to see that I can’t possibly remember everything. That way I can also remember what things I want to find out about them next and stuff like that. This is something unique; I will never find such a strange person ever again, so I want to make the most of it. I can’t explain in words just how exciting it is to investigate a person up close, and now not only I found an interesting person to watch, I found a strange person; a weird and unique individual. My findings have to be a secret, sadly, since no one would like to find out that they are being analyzed and observed as if they were some kind of strange alien species; but then again, maybe I shouldn’t expect them to react the same way as another person would. If they do find out, I know how to explain it to them, and I’m sure they will understand, because we both see the world in a different way. We all have different ways of expressing our sincere interest, I guess doing methodic observations and analyzing a person is my way of doing so.

I’ve been really lucky so far, I have a lot of information already. I want this person close to me, I want to know more about them. I love to hear their deep words, I love to watch their awkward but cute body language, I enjoy their presence…

I guess I could continue saying things, but I feel like this is enough, so I’ll stop now. This was barely revised, whatever.


Author: Crystaleye

Writing helps me keep my thoughts organized, so I will write about anything.

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